How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
