Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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