areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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