I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
