Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
