A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
