I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Enjoy the penises
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
