oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
