Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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