Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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