I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
