she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
