He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
