Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
