either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
