i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
