Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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