you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
