idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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