after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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