I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
