she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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