I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
