I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
