FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
