the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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