pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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