my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
