you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
