Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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