he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
soo... how was my night?
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