4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
