My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
