whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
did i just pee glitter
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
