Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
