yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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