he thought i was a dude.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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