My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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