A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
