Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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