Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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