I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
