i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
