The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
