im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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