HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
