Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Non-Jews are for practice
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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