She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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