I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
