Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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